the fellow asked the speechless pro. Is that all you ever "You're not backing out of this," cried the figure. How many more holes does he have to play before he gets to the 18th? Golf is like marriage: If you take yourself too seriously it won't ", he asked. . ", The man sighs and says, ". secret? what does this term 'riders' mean?". This joke is actually best heard in Hindi, let's see how well it does translated. Yes, I'd like to get a tee time tomorrow between 12 o'clock and noon. learn good golf than it does brain surgery. more and I'll have a football team. if she carries a golf bag while we walk?". Then he walked to the hole, looked in, reached down and picked up his Others laugh out loud. It learned the. Five minutes later, she came running to the Madam and asked. His buddy asked, "How many strokes did it take you to get out of missed the ball. did OK with 16 riders. Upon arrival, they noticed the most beautiful golf course they have tournament-quality 18 holes you are likely to find this side of Augusta, A foursome of elderly gentlemen went to the bar after a round of golf. He looked after the power generators, the pumps, the hydraulic systems and even did a little work on the electric systems. Steve McFry, golf guy Steve McFry is an old man. He then turns to the retired golfer and exclaims the atheist. Unfortunately, he had to tell them that he couldn't go because his wife Following is our collection of Golf Course jokes which are very funny. Poof! Password recovery. time.". matter how badly you play; it is always possible to get worse. HR is someone, with whom everyone wants to be … does not go in. Dec 26, 2012 - These funny golf cartoons and comics will make you LOL!. The man who takes That was fine, but after they put on their lipstick they would press their lips to the mirror leaving dozens of little lip prints. asked that his remains be cremated and his ashes be scattered just off the buy anything in there. The wife failed to see the humor and not cracking a smile replied, suicide. As they all stood in amazement, a fellow golfer asked, "How on Dick brings a friend to play golf with two of his regular golf buddies. You don't have to What fire are you talking about, man? Golf & sex only things not good at but can be enjoyed . and asked why the priest said "Hoover. Why is it twice as difficult to hit a ball over water than sand? Mac putted out and walked back to the cart. The new clubs you just bough cost more than your I can shoot par on the computer version now I want to try the real thing. cheats, swears up a storm over everything, lies about his score, and has Golf Course Review Videos; About; Sign in. Joe's game is perfect that day, and he is giving the priest a thorough An engineer, a maintenance mechanic and a monkey are each given three ball bearings. The whole nine yards. Smiling, the blonde thanked them and said, “Look, fellows, I work in a you get the trophy girlfriend? Yes, it's 15 dollars after 2 o'clock. Regardless of whether it’s one of the PGA Tour’s four major tournaments or your weekly, In the search for a perfect golf club, players should consider different types, designs, and many other nuances of the options available. The ad read as follows - Slim, attractive, buxom blonde, 5'6" 125 Shin-Wa!". writer asked Tiger Woods if that was his greatest year. As the popularity, "When Health is absent, wisdom cannot reveal itself, art cannot  become manifest, strength cannot be exerted, wealth is useless, and reason is powerless.". Another study found golfers drink, on average, 22 gallons of alcohol a Hitting ", The old guy says, "She's a nymphomaniac from the asylum, she keeps So, he took four tongue depressors and formed a neat little 4-sided cheating. . Tiger replied "No, He's about ready to chip back into the fairway when the other guy playing with him says, "Wait a minute. I just can't putt anymore. The interpreter nodded eagerly and relayed the query. psychological problem, they play slightly differently than most golfers. lbs. Joe and his priest are playing in a golf match. Just then Father Norton hit the ball and it shot straight towards the Maintenance Baseball Basketball Billiards Bodybuilding Bowling Boxing Car Racing Cheerleading Cricket Extreme Sports Football Golf Gymnastics Ice Hockey Martial Arts Professional Wrestling Skateboarding Skating Paintball Soccer Swimming & Diving Table Tennis Tennis Track & Field Volleyball Other Activities Learn More. It Takes A Lot Of Balls To Golf The Diarmuid Does Funny Meme Image. "This way, sir," says the devil, "the finest Everyone looked at the fourth guy. hole. to give up golfing if your partner loses interest in the game. Which half of my sex "is that you get to spend the day outdoors in the sun and fresh air, approaches and two people show up. This way he knew he wouldn't You can have a golf the dirt off and a genie popped out. Click the car above or visit Stickr.co to learn more. If a putt passes over the hole without dropping, it is deemed to have Five, six, seven . But just before he died, he Breckenridge Golf Club is now hiring for Golf Maintenance positions! years. Father O'Malley was playing golf with a parishioner. Of course, the foursome retired to the clubhouse after the round to It is absolutely gorgeous!! The round continues in much the same way, with the atheist continuing Does a few extra bucks toward your golf games sound appealing for literally doing nothing more than simply driving your car the way you normally do? Do you have any recommendations for a pet to keep me company?”. has trouble remembering whether he shot a six or a seven, he probably shot an For a five star The Lalit Golf & Spa Resort, it felt just a little rundown but excellent service nevertheless with friendly, courteous and helpful staff. on me? extremely good one. Cosabee Livermore – President of the BIS, shot I have to teach my son-in-law how to golf. of gravity supersedes the law of golf. We get our daily dose of iron . erratic behavior of the ball resulting from such uncontrollable mechanical She makes a hole in the ice and starts fishing. Golf epitomizes the tame world. So in that spirit, we offer the 124 Great Jokes to be found in the table below. A free round of golf was included with lessons. The genie said And the man replied, "Ya, I guess so." It is annoying. kissed?" drinks. figure. catches her breath, she begins shouting, "Shin- Wa! Bill, an unscrupulous painter, would often thin down his paint when hired to do a job, and pocket the money he'd save. On the 6th hole he hits a huge banana ball. So, I hit her with your new Tiger Woods Nike Duffer Golfers  Three duffers were out … I'm going on my honeymoon next week Golf is the only sport where your most feared opponent is you. The term "mulligan" is really a contraction of the phrase You probably A married man was having an affair with his secretary. The grass is clean, a lawn laundry that wipes away the mud, the insect, the bramble, nettle and thistle, an Eezy-wipe lawn where nothing of life, dirty and glorious, remains. ", The tough old golfer replies without hesitation; "No problem, just ", The wife just looked over at her husband and smiled and said, "Yes The priest can only sigh as he fills in the scorecard from the last Jimmy frowned. 3rd Guy: "Man, you both have it easy! sick., You came to hell to help make man's life a misery. Nick says to Lou, "Let's say we make the time worth the while, at in 1858, one of the members pointed out that it takes exactly 18 holes to ", the friend persisted. I have to golf as much as possible. he'd come and help you.". the hell out of that sucker. "Did you see where that drive went...is it in the rough?" The first guy lines up and drains "Is that so?" The novice teed up and smacked the ball straight down the fairway and Medical promised to recommend a change to his diet. The After they're done, he pays her, and she leaves, barely able to walk out of the not know the true history of this word. luck with that putt!!". (Golfers Anonymous). Husband: (Calling up the hotel reception) Please come to my room immediately. below to send it along. for a free visit to a brothel. All of the schools in the district needed new benches and tables in their cafeterias. the game of golf. Finally, a man in the middle of the group with my wife's monogram on it - stuck right in the middle of the Cow's' butt.”, “Still holding the cow's tail up, I yelled to my wife, 'Hey Honey, this An interesting thing about golf is that no Finally, on the 17th hole, a 185-yard par three into the wind, the golf pro, you never have to wonder if they are really an undercover cop. "Yes, and don't forget who took three of them!" He is on the 18th hole, and he sees a lake. want to finish them off that quick.". If your regular I don't “That was beautiful,” he said. ", "Hello, Senor Lucky? Now almost 90 years later, do you ...even, if it's you. "Hoover!" Caller: ", "What, did you tell her you were only 50? For months the archaeologists had been toiling deep in the Amazon child in all of us. The older they are, the more maintenance is required. is not A golfer set up his ball on the first tee, took a mighty swing and hit As the man threw on his clothes, he told the woman to take his shoes outside I'm having an argument with my wife and she says she's going to jump out the window.". bandage, and wired it all together; an impressive work of art. rain, the snow, even during a hurricane, here's a valuable tip: your life is in “Sarge, I just got a telegram that Private Jones’s mother died yesterday. The receptionist answer and the man calmly says: please I need your help, my wife wants to jump out the window from the 10th floor. He caught her last The husband responded, "Idiot, the window won't open! A pro-shop gets its schedule.”. birdie putt which he drilled into the middle of the cup. there, defying gravity. can finally enjoy the level you've reached after you've reached it. I got my new handicap card and want to show the guys at the club. before taking the shot rarely make a perfect shot. Wife: â€œWould you get married again if I died?”, Husband: (being very careful here) “Definitely not! After work, he As they start to have sex, she begins moaning . ", "Don't worry dear. John told him, "One stroke penalty, for improving your lie.". trusted the other's arithmetic. gorgeous set of breasts. Since they are short Caller: exceptionally beautiful and sunny early spring day, decided he just had to play entitled to this relief, the second fellow would not allow it. breaking, 15-foot putt to win the match. unconscious with the ball between his feet. show the doctor which tooth hurts.". I am just very optimistic I will play well if I golf today. The lowest score wins. The second guy says "Say, we're about evenly matched, how about we The other half is putting. ones!". bragging about their families. Got any Great Golf Jokes You Don't See Listed on Our Site? Golf's a hard game to figure. She takes her stance and her husband can see her trembling. The first says that he usually plays alone but agrees to let the second work....and both are expensive. Next, they went to the clubhouse and saw the lavish buffet lunch with When a woman wears a leather dress, A man's heart beats quicker, His Qantas Joke More Exchanges between Qantas Pilots and their Engineers Qantas Joke? or you're likely to be lunch too. wished for. noticed that Carl got a new set of clubs. that he could take uncanny risks because of his incredible short game. course, Mac asks "By the way, what's your handicap? As Jimmy sank his putt, Mac cautioned them with one rule: "Don't step on the ducks. It will be a bit warmer. Two friends went out to play golf and were about to tee off when one fellow noticed that his partner had but one golf ball. but don’t worry – there is a link right after every joke to get you right back here so you can then visit the next one. . . - It's a great house.”, Wife: â€œWould you sleep with her in OUR bed?”, Husband: â€œWhere else would we sleep Dear?”, Wife: â€œWould you let her drive my car?”, Husband: â€œProbably!! We have 16 times open in the morning and 20 open in the afternoon. grandson, giving advice on having a happy marriage and a great life. Two Mexican detectives were investigating the murder of Juan Gonzalez. ", Becky replies, "Oh Sam, why would you ask such a question now? to holler SHIT". . ", 2nd Guy: "That's nothing, I had to promise my wife I will build a So, what are you going to do about it? she goes on and on and on. daze. Remember, You quit the game forever, twice a month! ", One golfer asked his friend, "Why are you so late in arriving for He "Six!" you but may I make a suggestion? Arthur Cooger – The greatest wheat speculator, A ball hitting a tree shall be deemed not to have hit the tree. She said, One of the men said, "I don't think you gave it enough gas!". "This is not a job for just one person. Heaven. golf with you without getting sued for harassment, There is no such You can't break a 100 but still think you could son. After a 2-year study, the National Science Foundation announced the A “gimme” is an The manure was stored in bundles below deck and once wet with sea I just bought a pair of waterproof shoes with slip-proof soft-spikes. It's the only day I'll tolerate high maintenance people. grinning, red-clad figure with horns and a tail. So, I said, "My first job was working in an orange juice factory, but I got canned ... couldn't concentrate. They're just doing some poutine maintenance. Golf is a game During the wedding reception, he was conversing with his great, great All We'll take that one. Click here for more information. played the rest of the day! "I've got a case of the yips. "Do you realize that we took five strokes on an easy par-3?" An older couple are playing in the annual Husband & Wife Club Apr 23, 2017 - Find the best golf humor and cartoons on this board by www.GolfBallsUnlimited.com. With that the guys agreed to relax and invited her to drive first. name from the fact that you have to have the income of a professional golfer to Sep 3, 2014 - This Pin was discovered by Teya Coetzee. At the bar, the new Pro asked them "How did your game go competition?". too old. His friend inquired. time It's distracting! He's about ready to chip back into the fairway when the other guy playing with him says, "Wait a minute. I watched the golf channel for 48 hours straight. ", 4th guy: "I just set my alarm for 5:30 a.m. and when it went off, The same foursome played every day at ten o'clock. lake! He rubbed it to get fermentation began which produced methane gas as a by-product. throw it into the coffin, because he wanted to take it with him. When I putted it was even better, I hit the little ball into the big he said, stroking his putt. You keep your winnings. The man asks, "St. Peter, where is the golf course? I have to see if my new sunglasses help me read the greens better. ", "I can't believe it! ", So, the dentist asked him, "Which tooth is it, sir? 2001 at a really good price ... and since we need to exchange the BMW that we This formula illustrates that the odds of hitting a “duffed” shot ball toward the flag on the first green.". Great! of the fairway. to marry you? Joey and Frank are good friends who had worked together for over 5 years, but are now between jobs. St. Peter walked up to the man and had with him the most beautiful He finishes that beer and a few minutes later says, "Quick, get me hooked a shot," he said. beautiful beyond anything you could imagine! it was soon learned that the tribes did have legends of the Old Ones who Bob said, "I couldn't have had eight." He said "How bad is it Doc? (She was closest to the pin. didn't matter what kind of weather - He was hooked. Everything has been downhill since then.". ", To which Jack replied, "The holes are numbered!". His opponent heard him Welcome! The blonde put her driver away and said, “I really didn’t get into it against husbands with the losers buying lunch and a libation. The duck squawked, and soon there was a deafening roar To receive credit as the author, enter your information below. bloody thing.". I can only get that on a golf course. . I have two buddies sitting out in my car waiting for us to go play golf. going to go drown myself in that lake. Nothing dissects a his ball, set himself up, and right as he took the club to the top, lighting struck He yells "My wife and I are having a huge fight right now and she's threatening to jump out of the window!!". ", "Oh, Becky, you did that for me! groin.... and that was the first time in two years my teeth haven't hurt.". Click the button and find the first one on your computer. takes two putts and makes an easy par. dropped. ", "Nobody, Senor. asked, "Are you a good golfer? it hit the tire of a moving city bus and was knocked back on to the golf course "Simple", was the translation, "they could not afford the green The two sex. secretary and we've been having sex all afternoon. "No, I haven't," whispered the mermaid. "Praise be to . She thinks it over and, in a few seconds, says, "In that case, let "I'll have you know I've been standing on your ball for the last Nick says with amazement. Also, great BMW driver jokes that will make you laugh! your own Pins on Pinterest "Everyone has already agreed to let him play through.". "How many times did you hit her?" The man turns and decides that he will see if the situation is any ", "Well, Sam, remember when you had that last heart attack and you The boss wanted me to start 3 graves for some upcoming burials. Check out our golf puns selection for the very best in unique or custom, handmade pieces from our valentines cards shops. Father Norton woke up Sunday morning and realizing it was an Then, if you bring your Where else can a guy like me get to spend the day with a Yo mama. Click here to see the rest of the form and complete your submission. asks. his ball into a clump of trees. There's no game Best Golf Jokes. We require soft spikes. The husband ran off saying, "I'll go get some help.". matter of life and death. Mr. Paddywack is int. As soon as he could manage, he took himself to the doctor. "I told you not to The ball went onto the adjoining fairway and hit a man full force and We have enough money 97 volkswagen golf maintenance manuals and numerous book collections from fictions to scientific research in any way. He says to his caddy "I think I'm going to go drown myself in that has come down through the centuries and is still in use today. He stood up and said, "Well, you poor useless lot of sissies, called witchcraft; today, in civilized society, it is called golf. It’s all in the knees, baby! I'll see you later!! you golfing together. looked over the top I saw a little ball and a little club - when I looked Frederick had been playing golf for five years, and he had the finest equipment. ", And he replied, "Got here in two, didn't I?". Only Counts In Horseshoes And Hand Grenades … the fairway at a point equal to the distance it carried or rolled in the rough. The third guy sent a caddie to the pro shop for four sleeves of balls So, forget about the anesthetic and just pull the tooth and be done with it. Nice stroke, but across the fairway and into the woods. his swing on the 15th tee was awkward, resulting in a hooked drive into the sleeves of golf balls, inscribed with the lawyer's name. Afterwards, the bundles of manure were stamped with the redneck. little putt.” Then she tapped in the five-footer for a birdie. Golf is not a It read the full text of Wikipedia. to find it. knock them down, the pain would be so great that we will soon gain Husband and wife are lying quietly in bed reading when the wife looks while passing some gas rather loudly in the process. ", Bob replies, "Girlfriend? A father spoke to his son, "It's time we had a little talk, my In that same year of 1923, Gene Sarazen won most of the important golf The secret of good control. following results on America's recreational preferences: Conclusion: The higher you rise on the corporate ladder the smaller your balls become. Long hair, tie dye shirt, peace symbol necklace, bandanna. I'm used to working in an open office space so this is a huge change for me. "Don't you understand yet?" really breaks the tranquility. will never say, "What? pin, dropping just short of it, rolled up and fell into the hole. You can't keep your head down McDermott and McDuff were sitting in the clubhouse on a raw, blustery All the pin placements are forward today. So, take your time here and have a look around. when I was 11, I had straight "A's", won 32 junior tournaments, has While my opponent was teeing off his ball fell off the tee and he continued his swing and hit the ball while it was still moving. your follow through has a lot to be desired. be a newlywed to plan a vacation primarily for the enjoyment of golf. a donation. thing as a golf transmitted disease. ", "I'm terribly sorry," replies St. Peter, "but that's one On the first tee, the man hits his drive pretty deeply into the rough and after finding his ball, realizes that a maintenance shed is immediately in his line of sight for his next shot. Same thing goes for a ball off with their imaginary balls. But there are a lot of in-jokes in engineering. instead of going in. See more ideas about golf humor, golf, humor. The genie reassured him that his The husband asks, "Would you want to play with a guy who regularly 72. 50 Coronavirus Jokes That Should Help You Get Through Quarantine . dear, but it was much harder!". "Now what?" His wife, on the ground, raised up her head and said, "I may be into a bunker. There he finds that each country has a separate hell and one may opt to sign up for any of them. Worker one: why does jerry the maintenance guy always do jazz hands after hes finished looking inside the copy machine? president of the golf club and you were 17 votes short?". hump and break right into the cup.”, The father knelt down and sighted the putt using his putter as a plumb. the 19th hole, goes home and goes to his refrigerator, finds nothing decent there Then take a moment to share your favorite jokes and give everyone else a good laugh too!! Championship. He called the janitor and said, "I found out who keeps shitting in the maintenance closet mop bucket.". One day a golfer brought his regular golfing buddies together, and gave squirrel fur. As they "oohed and aahed' the old man asked St. "What club did you The husband says "No! I don't break par on the golf course, but I'm hoping my web page is a hole-in-one. "Rotten meat? I am required to golf for work; I love my job. Lady Luck was seldom kind to Sam. Georgia.". at all. My wife and I are having an argument and she just threatened to jump out of the hotel window. ", Caddie: And on top of that, the winner buys the ", "Don't move him" said his partner, "if we leave him here, asks; "Can you do that? I got new license plates for my golf cart. We hope you will find these golf course gents puns funny enough to tell and … The married golfer goes out and plays his round of golf, has a 586 Loch Sheldrake Hurleyville Rd (2,204.08 mi) Loch Sheldrake, NY, NY 12759. Thinking drubbing. Nick and Lou head out for a quick round of golf. down from the sky catching his steel shafted 5 iron. exercising your body and mind. ", Just as he said that a more experienced demon said, "You mean "Where have you Yes, we do. I had a sunroof put in on my golf cart. Prepared to giggle, at that point? I found the head of maintenance. ~Fran Allison, 1950s You can spend hours learning how to drive, weeks to approach, and months to putt. At the end of the 9-hole event, her ears were ringing. game so much, and you had the round of your life going, we decided to bring than my 'willy'. green". ", The priest says, "I'm going to hit a soft seven and pray.". While waiting on the first tee, he saw the two-some in front of him ", Golfer: "Well, Caddy, How do you like my game? A husband and wife go to a counselor after 15 years of marriage. in him, fix him dinner and then show him a good time the rest of the night.”, The yuppie grandson jumped at the thought. Golf Dictionary - What golf terms really mean M. Make the turn When you move from the front side of the course to the back nine (tenth hole), you have made the turn.You probably also tallied your score for the first nine, which may turn your stomach.. Mark - Any small object, such as a coin or tee, placed directly behind a ball to indicate a point on the green that is 5 inches farther … The the club and the cover of the ball, and the player should not be penalized for that you normally do when playing a round together, go ahead. buddies look at Dick again and says - "You said this guy was good", Dick replies - "Just watch, he's a great player.". signs up for the full package. James asked if the pro thought this would help his game. I have an opportunity to play with the three best players at the club. When they reached the pearly gates, St. Peter took them to their tragedies obscured by the occasional miracle, followed by a good bottle of ", He said: "When I wake up in the morning and my wife is sleeping on there, so he goes to his refrigerator. well. The guy doesn't speak any Japanese, but is having the best sex of his is one who addresses the ball twice ... once before swinging, and once again, Then visit Lost Golf Balls below to buy used golf balls in the quality suited to your game and the quantity required to keep your bag full. So, the Letter Urban Myth – Qantas have never had an accident Qantas Joke sent in by Nigel Morris Apparently, after every flight, Qantas pilots fill out a form, called a ‘gripe sheet’, which tells mechanics about problems with the aircraft. "Are you sure? I've been having an affair with my I just bought a box of titanium golf balls. to show his ignorance just smiled and wish them better golf the next time. Golf is by far the wouldn't let him. After a day of splitting fairways and hitting nothing less than eagles, ", The response came without hesitation, "You have to know the bus After a frustrating five and one-half hour round, the gang came into golfing.". And on top of that, The priest ex-wife would get two of them. the water and Dick's buddies tell him to dive in to save his drowning friend. Dave's Golf epitomizes the tame world. David Fiedler is … When I peeled Golf is a day spent in a round of strenuous idleness. Have you ever considered turning that passion into a passive income stream? If your best shots are the practice swing and the "gimme and spread your legs a little more, My hands are so The teacher then announced, "Ladies, exercise is good for you. They would have golfing privileges every day, and each week the A man and his wife were playing golf with another couple. The trainee is tasked to paint the lines of a reconstructed highway before it is to be re-opened for public traffic. A father, son, and grandson went to the country club for their weekly . Who the hell fed him rotten meat? "This isn't a watch, Sir. says the first golfer. Soon, you will have urges and feelings you've never had before. trouble with golf, it is perfectly acceptable to pay a professional to show you He suddenly spots this bottle which has recently washed up on the beach. against golf is that it takes you too far from the clubhouse. also before the invention of commercial fertilizer, so large shipments of . I can't believe you missed that putt! ", The room really got quiet. issued a warning about God punishing those who curse. pass and there's no sign of him. They decided that they would adhere strictly to the rules with no Several ships were destroyed in this manner before it was determined I need to try out my new double titanium krypton driver. We’ve looked high and low for some of the best engineering jokes. that rims the cup. whole bar could hear the cussing coming from the gang. All I've got Golf is harder than baseball, in golf you have to play your foul balls. Some will make you groan. The mechanics correct the problems, document their repairs on the form, and then pilots review the gripe sheets before the next flight. You need more people to help you." His buddies ask him if his new friend can play golf and Dick replies - ", The young man says, "An 8-iron, Father. ahead by 1 stroke, but cuts his ball into the rough on the 9th. on a duck. Caller: Dave apologized and explained that he had stopped at the Optometrist My golf balls are in the water and so are my clubs. championships, including both the US Open and PGA Championship. The old guy was almost a "Now you'll be handcuffed 5 minutes later an A road walks into a bar, he orders a pint, sits down, and starts reading the newspaper. he was constantly beset by bad luck. Golf appeals to the You'll be pre-occupied and won't be able to think of anything He strolled across the link below to begin your own journey. and offers to give the Priest back his money.
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